The Lovable Losers Fan Shop

Revel in Loserdom with these select brands of merchandise created especially for the most masochistic Cubs fan.

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All-Time Cubby Losers: Starting Squad

Get your very own complete set of the All-Time Losers Starting Squad. This definitive starting lineup, complete with pitching rotation, speaks to the essence of losing. Quality black-and-white photos with blue and red trim. Includes career statistics and highlights. Sure to increase in value!

1B Charlie Grimm

2B Phil Gagliano

SS Jeff Kunkel

stanhack1L.JPG3B Stan Hack

C Steve Swisher

LF Hack Miller

CF Hack Wilson

RF Boots Day

P Guy Bush

P Rocky Cherry

P Vern Fear

P Warren Hacker

P Donn Pall

Manager: Tommy Burns

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70s-Style Retro Cubs Jerseys

Relive the 1970s with our new line of beautiful retro jerseys you can’t find in just any souvenir shop. Honor those Cubbies who led Our Team to a record of 42 games below .500 in a decade that included seven finishes of 4th place or worse. Made in delicate blends of polyester and polyester, with all numbers applied in chalk. In keeping with traditional Cubs’ styles, none of the jerseys include player names, ensuring this line of sports wear will become sure conversations starters. Perfect attire for The Corner Gin Mill, Casual Fridays, and Trips To The Gas Station For More Smokes. These jerseys will brighten any closet. Demand limited!

#43 Paul Reuschel

petelacock1L.JPG#9 Steve Swisher

#22 Paul Popovich

#23 Carmen Fanzone

#28 Jim Hickman

#15 George Mitterwald

#22 Pete LaCock (also available in #23, #24, or #25)

#16 Steve Ontiveros

#34 Ray Burris

#20 Mick Kelleher

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Blink And You Missed Them

From the studio of obscure but pretty okay artist Watercolor Walters comes a new series of limited edition prints based on his original paintings of players for whom you hardly had a chance to root. Beautifully reproduced in limited editions of 13, this series captures the essence of that sublime intersection between marginal players and their marginal team. These players all served a maximum of four years in the bigs, with no more than 200 innings pitched or 600 at-bats. Not available in stores!

Spike Brady: Spike debuted on September 25, 1875 for the Chicago White Stockings; his final appearance was on September 25, 1875. Brady earned the moniker Error by making three of them in his lone major league game. He finished his one-game career with a .625 fielding percentage, though he also hit a triple. In this lovely portrait based on what appears to be the only surviving photo of Brady, the 21-year outfield seems lost in a metaphysical muse as he battles a fly ball that must have seemed all too like a butterfly.

Ken Crosby: The Cubs traded Eddie Solomon to the St. Louis Cardinals on July 22, 1975, perhaps hoping to stay in contention for a fifth-place finish. Crosby pitched a total of just 20.1 innings in all, surrendering 30 hits and 15 walks while amassing a career 8.41 ERA. Here, he looks to the heavens in apparent relief after striking out Dodgers pitcher Rick Rhoden on April 26, 1976 to end an inning. Unfortunately, the strikeout was preceded by a Steve Garvey single and stolen base, a Ron Cey walk, a Hector Cruz three-run home run, a Steve Yeager single and stolen base, and a Bill Russell RBI single up the middle.

tomdettore1L.JPGTom Dettore: The Cubs wrestled this tall right-hander away from the Pittsburgh Pirates after his rookie season in 1973. He played parts of three seasons for Chicago, peaking with a 5-4 record for the 1975 team. Seen here tracking the preternaturally atmospheric arc of a ball hit off the bat of then-Met Dave Kingman on April 14, 1976, there is an expression of epiphany on Dettore’s face, though it is not certain whether the look stems from knowledge that he’d just surrendered the longest home run (630 feet, by one estimate) in Wrigley Field history, or the realization that his career was finished. He ended his big league career with a 5.21 ERA in 179.7 innings work.

Error Gilroy: He lasted just ten games over two seasons, including an eight-game stretch with the 1874 Chicago White Stockings. The catcher made eight errors and committed three past balls in his eight-game Chicago career, and his .211 average in 38 at-bats didn’t help either. He is shown here, facemask in hand, brow sunburned and dusty, with his head bowed, perhaps wondering when, if ever, anybody would again call him anything but “Error.”

Preston Gomez : The sword of Damocles hangs over all managers, but a Cubby manager really has to watch his head. Pictured at the top dugout stair, studying a lineup card that must have read like an unemployment check, the veteran baseball man received a final chance to lead a team when he was handed the keys to the 1981 Cubs. But the Cubbies dropped 52 of its first 90 games, and Gomez took the fall for his last-place team. Gomez’ career winning percentage, as a manager, was .395, including four last-place finishes in seven seasons.

Adam Greenberg: Pinch hitting in the 9th inning against the Florida Marlins on July 9, 2005, Greenberg was struck in the back of his head by a Valerio de los Santos 91-mile-per-hour fastball. It was Greenberg’s first major league appearance, and thus far his last. He suffered a mild concussion as a result of the beaning, and still suffers from positional vertigo. He is captured here, a pose based on a minor league photo, in a look of concentration that only coincidentally appears like the onset of a migraine.

Mickey Kreitner: This catcher was the 10th youngest rookie ever to ascend to the major league level when he made the Chicago Cubs war-ravaged roster in 1943. Alas, he could not have known, in this still shot eerily like his Hume-Fogg (Nashville) high school graduation photo, that he would collect just 16 hits, fourteen of them singles, in 93 at-bats, or that at the ripe age of 21 he would be free to pursue a career as a restaurateur that included 39 different establishments, notably The Embers, an oyster bar and delicatessen that opened just 11 days before a Christmas night fire burned down the hotel in which it was housed. Notice the apparent irony in the young player’s grin.

Joe Strain: This rascally little second baseman concluded a three-year major league run with a 25-game tour of duty with the 1981 Cubs, encompassing 74 at bats. While he only hit .250, his slugging percentage, thanks to a for-the-scrapbook home run on May 16, was .203. Depicted here taking the field on Opening Day, 1981, frozen in a moment when he was the starting second baseman of a charter member of the National League and blissfully ignorant to the fact that his career would end in just 25 short games.

donyoung.JPGDon Young: The most famous of the Blink subjects, Young appeared in just parts of two seasons for the Chicago Cubs, getting his feet wet with 11 games in 1965 and then drowning in 100 games in that long, hot summer of 1969. Young hit .218 and struck out 85 times in just 307 career at-bats, but is of course best known for his fielding blunders. He’s shown here wiping the sweat from his trademark thick glass after he misplayed the second of two fly balls in a July 8 doubleheader against the New York Mets that would lead, though he couldn’t have suspected it then, to a verbal lashing from third baseman Ron Santo that ultimately accelerated the end of his career.

Bob Zick : The Chicago native was called up from Beaumont of the Texas League in late July 1954 to help a floundering pitching staff on a floundering team. He’s seen here extending his pitching hand toward manager Stan Hack, in perhaps a reenactment of his legendary introduction in which he allegedly said, “I’m Zick,” and to which his skipper replied, “I don’t feel so good myself.” Zick gave up 15 earned runs in 16 1/3 innings, an 8.27 ERA, the rest of the way. The Cubs finished in sixth place, ten games under .500, and Zick just plain finished.